Friendship Restored? Pt. 2

More mediation. This time with a new friend, one known for being rather... blunt. That wouldn't have worked on the first night, but having already made the initial breakthru it helped on the second.

We were able to learn which parts of our personalities were creating the conflicts, much of which we already knew, some was new, but in either case it's always good to see it all from an outsider's perspective. We also learned how the way we interacted verbally was conflicting with those personalities and causing much of our drama.

Much of this dealt with her big underlaying problems with me. And I really am going to do my best to take what I learned and improve our relationship because I really don't want to hurt her. I never did.

Those were some big steps we took. They helped a lot. We're even talking to each other in private again. But we still have so far to go.

None of that addressed my underlaying problems. And even if how I discuss problems with her changes, and that changes how she acts toward me...

...it still won't address my underlaying problems. Something I think even our blunt, perceptive friend didn't really understand. Those problems pre-date everything else that's been going on. I've tried hard to explain those problems. And she's listened. But either I don't explain them well or she just isn't of a mentality to take it in... as if it's so fundamentally different than the way she thinks she just CAN'T understand it.

Personally, I'm betting it's both at the same time.

In either case I don't know what to do. I really don't. I think of our relationship and I don't mourn her as if she died anymore. But I do feel a queasy feeling in my stomach. We've reset the clock to an earlier point when things were less stressed and horrible between us. But for the moment I think we're still set on the same path that will lead us there.

Have I given up hope? No. We made incredible progress over just two days. More than we could ever have expected. More than we ever could have dreamed. You simply cannot repair months of damage in just a few days.

And if nothing else we are both stubborn just as we have always been. It's the reason for many of our fights... but it's the reason those fights don't break us apart too.

We're simply too stubborn to let go of the other.